But you won’t know what’s right for you until you start to think about it! Figure out how you are going to process and reflect upon what you would like to move on from There’s no one set timeframe for everyone and every situation it’s really up to you. Maybe you’ll realize that something was holding more weight in your mind or heart that you want to afford it, or maybe you’ll realize that something or someone was even more meaningful to you than you thought, and you’ll actually need some more time to process and better ways to cope as you do. Thinking about how much time you want to sit with these feelings might also make you realize just how meaningful (or not!) something is to you. If you’re dealing with past trauma, how long you might want or need to sit with it can vary. If you’re dealing with the loss of a loved one, maybe you’d like to feel some sense of comfort by the next holiday you would have spent together or on the anniversary of their passing. If you’re working through a breakup, maybe you can see yourself taking a month to rest, reflect, and be with yourself before you’d consider yourself to have moved on. You might ask yourself, how could I possibly know how much time I’ll need when I haven’t even started processing yet? Well, how much time would be ideal for you? If you’re plagued by a bad memory that you’d like to let go, maybe an hour of really processing it is enough to help you do so. First, set some expectations around how much time you might want or need to feel the pain, grief, or discomfort before you graduate to acceptance and moving on How you go about learning to let things go is going to depend on who you are, what the thing is that you’re wanting to process or move on from, or who the person is that you’re trying to move on from, but here are some tips to get you started that can work for almost anyone. But ruminating on the past won’t change it and holding onto pain won’t help relieve that pain. Some people struggle to let go of painful memories or relationships or to move on from past experiences because they believe that whatever has happened to them is part of their identity. But once the danger has passed, how can we move on? From an evolutionary perspective, this way of thinking allows us to avoid danger and respond to crises quickly. Our brains are wired to ruminate on negative thoughts and experiences rather than positive ones. Letting go and moving on from past experiences, relationships, events, and memories isn’t easy.
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